There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
