I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
