Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
