Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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