she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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