Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
