how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
