Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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