She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
