So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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