You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
