u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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