Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
