Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
