Swine flu. Run for my life!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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