I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
