I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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