i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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