people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
