You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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