idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
