She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My bed smells like the plague
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
