Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm like, not good at living.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
