Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Two words: nipple clamps
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