I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
