If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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