My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
