It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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