you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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