you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
