dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
