You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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