normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
