she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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