Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
