Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
