you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
