maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
