I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
