I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
