I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
