im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
