dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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