Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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