Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
