I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
