Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
