My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
