i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
