he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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