1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
