Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
