I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
